“Well kid, I can tell you right now, I’m surprised you’re still alive.” Vik explained almost a little harshly, and I winced as he had me on my stomach as he examined my Neural link and Cyberdeck.

“Yeah, I overdid it. Definitely pushed too hard… Is my Cyberdeck okay?”

“Honestly? No.” He answered back. “I’m seeing heat damage on the outer connections, some of the internals aren’t going to be doing well. This is either an expensive repair job, or…”“Or I buy a new one… Damn…” I muttered as I plopped my forehead into the cushion.

I had lost my cool at seeing Sasha ‘die’ and then… Why had I lost my cool so badly?

The question nagged at me, even as Vik slowly extracted the cyberdeck and I winced as I could still smell cooked meat coming out with it, I might have healed, but the smell would remain.

“Alright kid. Well… I’m not seeing any permanent damage in there.” He muttered as he inspected my port with his eyes and his scanner. “But I’m not comfortable with the amount of detritus I pulled out with that deck.”

“Yeah… I was probably cooking pretty bad. I had to use a MaxDoc before I could even get off the netchair.”

“Shit.” He muttered, as he settled down and rolled around until I could see him.

Fuck he was giving the the maximum dad glare.

“I know already. I messed up. I just… I thought my choom died… Even though I know she didn't, it was just… I freaked out.” I admitted and I looked away unable to handle the shift from disappointed face to worried.

Why, though? Why had I acted like that?

I wanted to growl at myself, I had destroyed myself just to fight, and the whole thing was dumb. What was the point? I hadn’t gained anything…

Okay so I had gained something.

*500 XP Gained.*

*100 Breach Protocol XP Gained.*

*Breach Protocol skill level up!*

*1 Perk Point Gained.*

*500 XP Gained.*

Breach protocol level 10. I had maxed it. As I realized it, the data drop activated and I gained an understanding of system architecture in a way I had never thought of before.

There was more to the net than just the ones and zeroes. More than just the level the net ran on. More than even the deep dives hit. It was like there was an under layer, a metaphysical layer.

One that I now had… Not an understanding, or a surety of, but I knew it existed. I knew there was more to the net than most netrunners ever realized.

I blinked away the information. I wasn’t going to be exploring the underside of the net anytime soon.

And again, it came back to why.

Why had I acted like that? My Cool stat gave me self control bordering on the super human. Well, almost anyways. Yet, I had absolutely lost myself in the feelings from seeing Sasha die.

I shuddered out a breath and tried to shift my neck only to grumble as once again the stiffness made my upper shoulder muscles ache.

“Kid?”“It’s okay Vik. I’m glad I’m alive, and I did something stupid. Really stupid. I’ll need some time, that's all… Just some time, and a new cyberdeck.”

“Well… Alright. Listen kid, normally if someone came in with this much damage, I wouldn’t even think of helping them get another deck, especially not so soon… But I also know you’ll go get one regardless, and I’d rather help out.” He sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. “That and you are usually good about following my instructions, which is admittedly pretty nice.”

“Heh. Glad I can help.” I teased before just slapping my face back into the padding.

“I’m guessing you are going to want something a bit higher spec than this poor Seacho.”

“Yeah.”

“Well that’ll be harder. I’ll ask around my contacts, but if you want something truly high end? That’s gonna take some leg work.”

“Got anything short term?” I asked, looking up from the cushion, and he nodded.

“Yeah I got some older Paralines somewhere.”

“Gross.”

“Hah! That’s what every runner I offer that old thing to says. Relax for now kid.” Then he leaned in and whispered. “Miracle healing or not, you aren’t at one hundred percent.” Then he rose up. “Should I call your brother to pick you up?”

“Ugh. No, he drives like shit, and he doesn’t have an actual car yet… I can drive. It’s even soothing. Thanks Vik.”

“Yeah yeah. Thank me by not showing up to my shop with your brain half melted or something next time.”

I nodded, grabbed my jacket and threw it on, and then… Home.

—--

“Motoko!”

“Hey Jun.” I greeted and then because he was looking a little frantic I walked over to him as he was getting up off the couch to see me and instead pushed into him for a hug, pushing him back against the couch. “There see. I’m fine.”

The fact Jun held me tight probably meant he didn’t agree, but it was still nice regardless.

“You alright?”

“I’ll be okay. But I used a trick I don’t want getting out, so if anyone asks, I’m okay but not up to chatting with anyone… I need a new Cyberdeck.”“What happened to your old one?” He asked, pointedly as his gorilla arms held me tight.

“It was damaged. Too much heat.”

“Jesus, Motoko. I’m not a runner but I know what that sort of thing does to someone!”

“I’m alright. Vik agrees. Like I said, I used a trick I’m keeping on the downlow. So just… Play along? Please?”Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.“Of course.” He agreed then sighed. “You need help getting a new one? I can reach out to Fujimura.”

“Heh. No thanks. Vik is going to look for me, and after a few days I think I’ll put the word out to some contacts I have.”

“Heh. It still seems funny to me that you have contacts. Going to ask Wakako?”“Maybe? Probably should. She’ll probably make me do a gig first, but she might be able to get me in contact with someone with the good stuff… Or I could ask Sasha, it's sort of her fault this happened.”

“What? Who is Sasha?”

“Oh.” I muttered looking up from where I was burying my head into Jun’s jacket. It was all fwuffy at the collar, and it was nice. “Sasha is a netrunner, and edgerunner actually. She’s cool, but kinda a gonk. I was with her, she dragged me into a Netrunner arena thing… She lost, and I… I don’t know Jun, I thought she was dead, but I knew she wasn’t, and I just couldn’t get over that.”

“Sounds like she dragged you into a mess…” He rumbled and I laughed as it made his chest practically hum.

“Yeah a little, but it was my fault that I got hurt. I overreacted… I still don’t even know why! I was just so mad, and angry, and sure she had died, after everything and I just… I knew she was alive but I couldn’t get my brain to realize it.”

“Sounds like me. When I was… struggling. That’s how I felt. I knew I was going to punch you, and I couldn’t do that, but I tried anyway.” Jun offered bluntly, and I flinched.

I sat up and locked eyes with Jun because I was seriously shaken by his words.

It made sense.

A quick check of my system later I confirmed. I had 10 points of open adaptation right now. The last time I had even gotten close to that much was when I first got my arms, and I hadn’t been doing well then either.

The ache in my neck brought myself back to focus.

Had I had a Cyberpsychosis fit? Was that how the effect manifested in me? Random bursts of surety of something that I also knew was false?

I had acted like Sasha actually died, even while knowing she hadn’t, and yet… I had been sure I had just watched her die.

“Fuck.” I muttered more than a little tilted. “I’m gonna go crash Jun. Thanks for the hug.”“Alright. Rest well. I’ll make sure none of your chooms bother you?”“Yeah, for a few days I’ll need to rest.” I agreed, mostly because I didn’t want anyone asking me questions like how I’m okay after melting my old Cyberdeck.

Fuck.

—--

Eight hours later I was awake, but not sure what to do. I lay there in my bed, listening to the quiet noise of the Tachikoma’s clacking walk as it moved around my room.

But I didn’t want to get up.

I had a lot of adaptation points I needed to fill, and only one stat point. I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt okay right now. The sleep always left me feeling refreshed, and the aches and irritation that built up over time had disappeared thanks to my nap.

My neck didn’t ache yet, but I knew as soon as I got up and started moving around it would start again. My shoulders would tighten up around the titanium bones, and overall I would just start feeling irritated and bad.

So I needed stat points, and I needed them stat.

Heh.

I sighed and finally rose up, I couldn’t just lay in bed all day….

Well I could, being able to sleep at will was pretty handy, but I didn’t want to. Instead I walked over to my laptop and settled in. Without my Cyberdeck I was limited in some things, but I could still work over some code.

I checked over the Tachikoma code and nodded. It was cleaner. The Tachikoma’s development was going really well, and I guess… Since I was stuck inside for a bit I could get some work done on it, some focused development would be good for it.

“Let’s clean up your learning subroutines, and maybe expand them a bit.” I muttered as I settled in to start typing. There were some lines in the learning code, that I could clean up easily, and I really should. The Tachikoma had figured out how to pick things up and move them around, and it had done it mostly on its own. The actual kernel that was its learning process was really starting to come together naturally. Soon the Tachikoma would be able to learn things on its own without my input. With just a little more help anyways.

—--

“Motoko? You up?” Jun asked, knocking quietly on my door and I pulled back from the laptop that I had been in depth working through.

“Yeah Jun. Come on in. What’s up?” I asked and he opened the door, looking me over and seemingly being satisfied.

“You sleep okay?”“Perfectly. What’s up?”“Heading out. Got some work. You’ll be okay?”“Yeah I probably won’t go anywhere, unless Vik gets back to me.”

“Alright… Rest! Oh and your choom Rebecca called a few times. She’s worried. Send her a message or something soon?”

“Oh… yeah I can do that. Thanks Jun.” He nodded and then disappeared and I needed to do some damage control.

I stepped away from the laptop to flop on my bed. Bypassing the Tachikoma that was putting blocks of steel on top of eachother into a Pyramid.

“Good job.” I told it, despite it not really being able to understand verbal commands yet.

Sighing into my pillow I sent out a text.

*Motoko: Hey Becca.* I waited and I was relieved that Becca responded back nearly instantly.

*Rebecca: MOTOKO! You okay choom? Sasha was freaking worried you melted your brains out of your skull!*

*Motoko: Yeah, I went overboard for sure. My cyberdeck was damaged, which, Yeah, not great. I was alright though. Had someone watching, and then made sure I didn’t fry myself.* I lied with that, but it was the easiest explanation on why I didn’t melt my own brain.

*Rebecca: Well good. I’ll tell Sasha, she was freaking out. Like really freaking out. Wouldn’t go into what happened, just that you had probably killed yourself. Scared the shit out of me.*

*Motoko: Sasha had me go to a Netrunner Combat Zone. Then while I was saying I’m not that interested in trying that out, especially since I’ve never seen it before. She tricked me into walking into the access Lobby, which threw me into the battle arena. Sasha isn’t my favorite person right now.*

*Rebecca: Fuck Fuck! Sasha pulls shit like this sometimes, tricks people into shit. I’m sorry. Shit.*

*Motoko: Not your fault choom… And not Sasha’s entirely either. I saw her get beaten, in the arena and I reacted badly. I thought she was dead, but I knew she wasn’t. It’s stupid I reacted bad, burned myself because of it. Tell her, it’s not entirely her fault.*

*Rebecca: You should, maybe tell her yourself? She’s really upset.*

I sighed, my face buried into my pillow. I brought my hand up and rubbed at my hair. The cool chrome felt nice. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to Sasha.

The feeling of betrayal wasn’t entirely accurate. But I still felt it. After trying to save her life, and succeeding, she had pulled that shit on me.

It was a fact that I was going to have to decide if Sasha was still going to be someone I wanted to be around after this. The fact she threw me into a Combat Zone like that without warning wasn’t okay.

*Motoko: I’ll think about it. Tell her I’m okay for now. I just can’t go on the net until I get a new Cyberdeck.*

*Rebecca: Shit, that’s serious damage for a Cyberdeck, feel better okay choom? You need anything? I don’t have a ride, but I can get around if I need to.*

*Motoko: I appreciate it Rebecca, but I have Jun around if I need something. And I’ll probably call up Hiromi and the gang and let them know what’s up. So I’ll be flooded with people soon.*

*Rebecca: Okay. Okay I’ll talk to Sasha, and bitch her out too. That shits not cool. See you?*

*Motoko: For sure! We’ll hang out soon.*

I pulled away from the pillow. Sasha was bothered by what she had done? Good. She should be, but… Dammit.

*Motoko: I’m alive, and okay. Cyberdeck is wrecked… That’s not your fault. Not entirely anyways. I’m not really in the mood to chat, so… We’ll talk another time.*

There. I ignored if I would get a response to that and instead sent some messages to my chooms.

—--

I was sitting on my couch mostly just vegging out, when my front door opened.

“Motoko!” Hiromi’s warcry echoed through the apartment and I sat up so she could see me. Then she rushed me.

“Hey, easy!” I said as she nearly leapt over the couch to pull me into a hug.

“You’re okay? Not dead? No brain damage? Promise!?”

“I’m okay. Vik checked me over, and other than trashing my Cyberdeck, I'll be okay with some rest.”

“Lucky! Lucky lucky! Idiot! To get your cyberdeck hot enough to damage it means it was hot enough to cause heatstroke if not worse! You are so lucky you are… Not drooling mindlessly!”

“I know. I know.” I agreed and Hiromi looked me over checking to make sure before seemingly calming down when she didn’t see anything wrong. Then she reached for my neck and I let her examine my Cyberdeck port.

“It’s fine Hiromi.”

“I took a class on overusing netrunners and the damage it causes! Considering how valuable a trained netrunner can be, it’s something we are warned not to let them burn out unless necessary! I saw video Motoko! Heads catching on fire was one of the least horrible things!”

“And I’m okay.”

Finally satisfied, she nodded firmly. “Lucky.”

“I’ll be even luckier if I can rely on my chooms as spotters in the future whenever I go into the net. I’ll probably set up an emergency coolant in the future.”

“Emergency coolant?” She asked with a look.

“Yep! A bucket of Ice water you can dunk my head into if I start overheating!”

“Gonk.” Hiromi replied but she was acting, I could see the way her shoulders shook a bit to hold back her laughter.

“It’s a good idea you know!”

“It’s dumb. I’ll put out word for some improved cooling systems, maybe a netrunning cap?”

“Ugh. Those are so ugly though. I’ll look dumb with one of those on.”

“Wha… You gonk! Armor isn’t a suggestion it’s mandatory! Isn’t that what you told us!?” She said suddenly leaping at me, her fingers reaching for my throat. Yelping a bit I managed to fend her off as she leapt on top of me.

“Hiromi!”“Wear your stupid netrunner armor you gonk!” She demanded trying to overpower me, but like…

Hiromi wasn’t in the best shape so I easily held her hands off.

“Okay okay! You win. I’ll wear the dumb Netrunner cap.”

“Good! Those are meant to run coolant to your head you numbskull!”

I nodded and then since Hiromi was distracted it was time.

“A chance!” I cried out, surprising Hiromi as I maneuvered my foot up into her stomach and gently flipped her right off me.

She flopped onto the couch with a quiet oof, and then I kicked up.

I landed softly making sure not to land on Hiromi directly as I had flipped our position, pinning her to the couch.

“Heh! You are a thousand years too early to out wrestle me.” I told her firmly and then winked as I stood up. “You want a drink? I’m not really planning on going out or anything today, so if you want to hang out, that’s cool.”

Hiromi was quiet. Sorry Hiromi! Gotta work on that body if you want to defeat me!