Chapter 373 Stay  

If you like music while you read, try "Without You" by for King and Country. It's what I was listening to while writing both of these chapters!

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~ SASHA ~

It had been such a wonderful night, Sasha didn't want him to roll off. But eventually, they separated, and despite her muttered grumbles, he turned her over and tucked her into his chest, his lips brushing her neck and her ear as they talked.

It was, she realized, the first time outside of their Solitude that they'd gone to bed early enough—and healthy enough—to simply chat.

It felt so sweet and so normal she tried to savor every moment, just be present in it, fix it in her mind.

She didn't want to admit it, but her mind kept tumbling her back to the Compound, to Nick, to the humans, to all the ways this plan could go wrong. And every time it did, fear, clawing and jangling, wanted to close her throat.

But she pushed it away, again and again, instead focusing on the weight of his arm on her side, or his thick knuckles when she laced her fingers between his, the warmth of his chest against her back, and the low, warm, chuckled warning he gave when she bumped her ass back against his… er… thighs.

They talked about high school, and places they'd been while they were apart—both of them skirting carefully around the compound or the breeding arena. Sasha didn't feel like they were lying only… focusing on the good.

Zev told her about a time he'd followed her when she was out late and drinking—not something she made a habit of, and he'd been worried about her out in the city alone.

"I almost approached you that night," he said, his voice low and rough with his weariness. "Nick must have sensed it, because he showed up after I actually went inside the club."

"Omigosh, how far away were you?" Sasha asked him, turning around to face him and leaning up on her elbow. "We were in the same room?"

He nodded and pushed her hair back behind her shoulder. "It was so hard not to go after you—there was some asshole hanging all over you, and I was afraid he was going to spike your drink or something. You were with your gay friend and he seemed kind of oblivious."

"That must have been pre-George days," Sasha huffed. "George was the boyfriend he got later. He was a total bruiser and always hovered over us like some kind of bodyguard. It was obnoxiously cute."

Zev nodded. "I was grateful when he came along, because I knew he was strong enough to take care of any trouble. Then Rob showed up…" Zev grimaced.

Sasha smiled. "I never had feelings for Rob," she said, leaning down to kiss his chin and rake her teeth on the stubble there. Zev sighed and pulled her into a real kiss.

"I mean it, Zev," she said, pulling away to meet his eyes. "Honestly, he got sick of listening to me talk about you."

Zev's lips curled up. "Can't say that's tough to hear."

She rolled him onto his back and leaned on his chest. Eventually, the discussion moved to the time when he'd decided to actually talk to her.

"It wasn't planned. I mean, I can see now that subconsciously, I knew it was coming. But I never let myself have the thought, you know?" he said, his expression oddly vulnerable. "I think I was scared to acknowledge it in case something got in the way. But I put the cars in place and I was surveilling the buildings… It was a strange time."

"Whereas, other than going to work, I was just sitting on my ass and beating myself up because I couldn't make myself care about anyone but you."

Zev smiled. "Again… that's not hard to hear."

She glared at him. "It was hard at the time. I thought you were gone." She realized she was gripping his shoulder and made herself release him. She dropped her chin. It had been easy to forget about those days recently when everything else was happening. But the thought reminded her of that haunting hollowness that she'd lived with for five years. The feeling no one else seemed to understand.

"Hey, Sash," Zev rumbled, then pushed up on his elbow too, putting his fingers under her chin and forcing her head up, making her meet his eyes. "I was so miserable then. So… broken. I don't want to go back there either. Ever. You believe me, right?"

She nodded. "And I want you to know, I can see it now… how they would have manipulated you, I mean. I get it. I went in there knowing how evil they were and knowing that they twisted everything and it was still hard to keep my head straight. Honestly, I'm surprised you came out of it as clear-headed as you did.

He shook his head and blew out a breath. "I really don't deserve you, Sasha," he said quietly, his voice deep and rough.

He brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her softly, gently, slowly. Then he cupped her face. "I'm so glad you're here."

They lay back down, facing each other this time, and let the conversation lead them where it would… which inevitably for Sasha, came back to the females and the breeding and how the male perspective on fertility was going to affect Mae and any others like her. There had to be more, right? Nick had said they made mistakes at times, or their experiments didn't result in what they'd hoped.

The chances that others among the females that had been sent over were now infertile—or maybe, just like wild animals that were domesticated, the stress shut down their cycles?

Sasha shook her head.

"What's wrong?" Zev murmured.

"I just feel so bad for Mae." The female's tear-stained face flashed through her head again. "I feel so bad for any of them that are going to get rejected because of something they can't control. It makes me reluctant to push them to reintegrate with the males."

"Don't worry about that, Sash. You can't control it. And besides, I'm still certain the established mates won't reject their females."

Sasha wasn't so sure, but she also didn't have answers and didn't know how many of the females were going to have difficulties in that area. So really, there was no point.

She was just glad that she and Zev still had a chance.

And she hoped it wasn't too selfish to think that way.