Chapter 390 Looking for the End  

~ SASHA ~

When they'd finished with Nick and returned him to his guards, Yhet rolled along next to Sasha, and not for the first time she noticed how he shortened his gait to keep a pace that she could comfortably maintain.

And she noticed how preoccupied he was.

They'd left Nick at the shack and there was no one else in the village square, so as soon as they passed through the first row of trees, she put a hand up to Yhet's thick forearm.

He looked down at her, surprised. "What's wrong, Sasha-don?"

"Please don't use the title, Yhet. I was going to ask you the same thing."

Yhet grumbled and flapped one of his massive ham-sized hands. "I'm fine, Sasha, I told you. I just haven't been able to move enough lately."

"Yhet… please don't lie to me."

She stopped walking and Yhet stopped too, staring down at her, his bushy eyebrows pinched down towards his nose. When he didn't say anything else, Sasha stepped closer and lowered her voice.

"Yhet, whatever it is… I want to help. What happened while I was gone? Or is it about the females?"

His eyes popped up from where he'd planted them at his feet and Sasha's heart squeezed. "It's hard, huh? Seeing the females come back? When… when yours won't?"

He nodded. "I am glad for you and Zev, Sasha. I truly am. I want to see you together and alive and… I pray you'll be blessed with offspring. But my heart… when the females arrived, for a short time I hoped. I knew it wasn't possible, but they have been so tricky before… for an hour I hoped. And then I realized and of course… she's dead. And I didn't even cry."

Sasha wanted to weep at the way his face twisted on that last statement, though. He cleared his throat and it sounded like a motorcycle engine starting.

"Yhet—"

"No, Sasha. I appreciate your care. I really do. But… this isn't something that you can help. Nobody can help. A piece of me is missing. It was torn from me, and it will never come back and I just… I suppose until now that hasn't been real for me. But seeing those females walk through… something changed. I'm sorry I've worried you."

Sasha put both hands to his folded arms. "No, no, Yhet, don't apologize. Please. I'm sorry that you're in pain. I wish I could do something to help."

Yhet shrugged. "Thank you. Your care warms me."

"Did it… was it painful that Zev and I went to your home again?"

Yhet shook his head. "No, that is one of the few good things to have come out of this, Sasha. But I do think… I do think that when the time comes, I will probably not leave. I wanted to warn you. I was going to do that later, but… well, that's it."

Sasha's mouth dropped open. "You don't want to come to the safe place?"

Yhet shook his head. "If I leave here, I leave her," he said. "The only pieces of her that are left. And… I can feel it coming, Sasha. The darkness is getting heavier. I thought perhaps it was different for my kind because I hadn't seemed to be defeated by it as I've seen others after the loss of their mates. But now… it's as if I carry a heavier weight every day. And I'm tired, Sasha. I'm very tired."

His eyes slid to meet hers and the pain in his gaze made her want to weep. "Yhet… please… I want you with us. I want you safe. I can't—"

"This is a way you could help me, Sasha-don," he said earnestly. "Please do not push me to leave this place."

"But… but you go to the human world, and this will be better—"

"Sasha, I happily enter the human world because she was a part of it. And I hadn't realized but perhaps my heart was still hoping to find her there, too." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I will fight this fight with you, and I will help you win. But when you leave… when you leave, I will stay here. I think… I think my time is coming anyway."

"Yhet!" She threw herself into his stomach and he opened his massive arms to hold her, petting her hair.

"Don't cry, Sasha. Please. I don't want more pain for you."

"Yhet! Stop! I want to comfort you! I can't believe I've just left you alone in this, I'm so sorry!"

He shook his head and a rumble rolled in his big chest. "You have made me happy for the first time in years, Sasha. Seeing Zev so full of love and excitement for the future. It shows me how little of his light we saw when he was here, but away from you. I am so glad to see him growing into himself. And that's because of you. You are a gift, Sasha. To all of us."

"This is ridiculous," Sasha sobbed. "Stop, Yhet. This is about you. And how we can make you feel loved, and—"

"I am loved, Sasha, that's part of the problem. Can you imagine waking in a world where Zev didn't exist? Would you want to?"

Sasha pulled back far enough to meet his eyes, her head spinning suddenly with images of herself waking in furs and without Zev's warmth. Of walking at night unable to see. Of shedding tears without his chest to cling to…

"N-no," she whispered. "I wouldn't want to." But she wouldn't have to, she knew. Because they were Ardent.

But Yhet just nodded. "I'm glad you understand," he said quietly. Then he petted her hair one more time and started walking again, tipping his head for her to follow. "Please don't tell the males. They get aggressive when they're sad. I don't want to have to fight them when the time comes."

Sasha stared at him, stunned, as they walked along. Then she swallowed hard. "I want you to know that I love you, Yhet. You are the dearest friend and… I just love you. Okay?"

"I know, Sasha," he said, but he finally smiled. "I love you too. But don't tell Zev I said that. His wolf comes out when he's feeling possessive and I don't want to have to hurt him."

Sasha couldn't help it. She laughed.

But the tears that rolled down her cheeks weren't from laughter.