Chapter 379 Broken Minds, Broken Heart  

If you like music while you read, try "Walk Through the Fire" by Zayde Wolf + Ruelle. It's what I was listening to while writing these chapters!

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~ LHARS ~

The next morning after Zev and Sasha left for the meeting with the Creatures, Lhars was just outside the City. He'd struggled to sleep the night before and ended up taking a walk at dawn just to distract himself.

But he'd found he couldn't quite bring himself to go back within the walls. There were so many things happening—some good, some bad—that it felt like those massive stone structures and walls were about to close in on his head.

He was aware of the problems Zev sometimes had sleeping inside a room with straight walls and a flat roof. He'd never struggled with those things himself, but he wondered if this was what his brother went through.

For Lhars it was just a rising tension that wanted to close his throat. But not with fear. It was words rising to choke him—things he longed to say. Mostly to Kyelle.

He'd started avoiding her when he could, though he wouldn't go out of his way. But he'd stopped seeking her out. Her eyes, whenever she looked at him, were full of confusion and fear and it broke him all over again every time he saw it. She'd been so consumed with Zev for so long, it was as if she couldn't see him.

He wanted to weep.

He wanted to fight.

He wanted to disappear.

He didn't know what he wanted. He just wanted the feelings to stop.

Watching her with the Alphas, her quiet confidence and wisdom, he'd yearned to reach for her so badly his fingers had twitched.

Seeing her soothe and lead the females who'd ventured out of the hall, help them through the frightening moments—and celebrate their victories… he'd wanted that smile for himself.

He'd wanted so badly to plant himself in front of her and demand that she see him, to scream at her—begging, demanding that she see what he felt for her… He'd had to leave.

And now that he was out of the City, now that he knew when he went back he'd see her within the hour… he found he didn't want to move.

Instead of following the last bend in the trail that took him back through those trees and into the City Arch, he'd stepped off in the other direction, put his back to a tree, and now he was sitting there, watching the sky turn from pink to blue between the tree branches above.

Fuck. He was fucking pathetic.

Slumped back against the tree he started talking to himself about the strength he had, the ability to just live and help her how he could and ignore the hollow ache in his stomach. He was strong. He was an Alpha—second among the wolves, the most powerful clan in Chimera! He wouldn't be chased from his own home by a female.

But whenever her face flashed in his mind, the ache went so deep, so painful, it stopped his breath.

He closed his eyes. Just thinking about her seemed to conjure her scent. He inhaled deeply, then blinked.

He really could smell her—

"Lhars?!" her voice was broken and hesitant.

He was on his feet in a flash, stepping out from behind the tree to find her standing there, staring at him with wide eyes, silvered with tears.

"What's wrong?!" he rushed forward.

But Kyelle met him halfway, throwing herself, sobbing, into his arms and clinging to him. Stunned, he tried to make sense of her words that were thickened with tears and pressed into his chest. All her wariness and reticence were gone. She came to him as she always had—with the freedom and ease of long friendship and understanding.

Her words were broken by cries and sniffs, sometimes muffled against his furs, or her own hands, but soon the picture became clear and his heart sank.

Lhars hadn't been the only one struggling to sleep last night.

During the night, one of the females who'd come from the labs—she'd never been in Thana before—had gone to the top of the building, climbing to the roof to sit on top of it.

They'd just found her an hour earlier.

"I don't know if she fell or… or jumped," Kyelle sobbed.

Lhars' heart squeezed and he pulled her against him. She'd invested so much in the females, been working so hard to help them. "It's not your fault," he whispered. "They were so unhappy, Kyelle. I pray it was an accident, that she simply slipped. But… you cannot take this on yourself."

"I know, I know. I just… I'm so scared, Lhars! I'm so scared that no matter what we do to help them, the females have been broken forever, and it's just so hard to watch. I thought I was unhappy! I thought I was struggling. But now I see them and I realize… My life is good. It's… it's so much better than what they've had to deal with. I've been sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but Lhars… I'm so blessed!" she pushed back against his chest, gripping his furs and staring up at him, her tears still spilling down her cheeks.

Swallowing hard, he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. "We both are," he said, roughly. "Just… don't carry this, Kyelle. This isn't on you. Or Sasha. Or any of us. This is on them. This was done by the humans and they're the ones who need to pay for it."

"But they never will, and it's so unfair!" she cried. "Even if we get away—they still have so many there… or more they can make. Have you thought about that, Lhars? When we leave, we're taking away the last hope for any single Chimera that's left behind. And for any that they make later, there will be no hope at all. I can't… I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can leave knowing—"

Suddenly terrified, he gripped her hair and held her there, forced her to hold his gaze. "You can," he growled. "You can, and you will, Kyelle."